These days...

Life has me whirling around like a tumultuous hurricane...never really knowing where it's going or when it's getting there. I am getting so burnt out with this emotional rollercoaster (otherwise known as the military). Anyone who knows me, knows I am a planner...I have to plan in advance what day I am going to go grocery shopping and I have a whole plan written out for me as to which stores I hit in which order and all their respective lists to go with....I am quite anal! So no matter how much I try and convince myself that I am getting used to being told one thing and then being told the total opposite thing 2 days later.... I'M NOT!!! And every time, just like the last....my hopes and dreams for the future are crushed and I have to start planning from square one again.

Now we are to the point of "either we are getting out or we are staying in if i make chief or if i get picked up for this other job" and "if we do end up getting out maybe we should live here....no no...we are moving back home". Before Christmas came, I was planning on us re-enlisting, i was planning on us buying a house here....We were finally going to get our very own house...finally going to put down some roots....It's just frustrating....I don't know where we will be or what we will be doing in six months....it's unnerving, and actually quite frightening! How do I get through the days not thinking about this anymore? How much longer is this going to go on?
Tired...

Quotes

So I was cruising through a bunch of different sites this morning and found this place that does picture frames with hand carved quotes within the frame...they are totally cute, but I am not about to pay $250. for them....(that is NOT a typo)...But the quotes I came across were sweet and full of love and inspiration, so I share some of those now....

** All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother - Abraham Lincoln

** Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour I would die for you. This is the miracle of love. - Maureen Hawkins

** Here's to tall ships. Here's to small ships. Here's to all the ships on the sea. But the best ships are friendships...Here's to you and me. - Old Maritime Blessing

** I carry your heart with me ( I carry it in my heart) I am never without it ( anywhere i go you go, my dear). e.e. cummings

** I love thee, I love thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old. - Williams Shakespeare

** If there is anything half so much fun as being alive, I'd like to know what it is. - Frederick Buechner

** May soft be the grass you walk on, May fair be the skies above you, M may true be the joys that surround you, may dear be the hearts that love you. - Old Irish Blessing

** May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of his hand. - Old Irish Blessing

** To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with. - Mark Twain

** Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the one's you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

** We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly by embracing eachother. - Luciano De Creschenzo

** You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint. You are the shining star I reached for in my ever hopeful quest for life fulfilled. You are my child, Now with all things I am blessed. - Unknown

** Death is more universal than life; everyone dies, but not everyone lives - Alan Sachs

** Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing. - Confucius

** A true friend stabs you in the front.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde


Hope you enjoyed these as much as I did...I could go on all day, but I don't think J would appreciate that much. Maybe there will be more to come??....

Incomprehensible

So...I just got off the phone with an old friend...and I am just dumb-struck....Here I answer the phone in a "happy to hear your voice" manner and she starts in with her week...and I feel like an utter ass!! And so i share a modest account of what has happened to her...

She works at a fairly well known company .... and she proceeds to tell me that a girl that she knew was shot and killed by her boyfriend in the parking lot of said company as she was going into work....and not just shot in the leg, or the foot, or even the arm....shot in the head multiple times and then in the chest multiple times (as if the head wasn't quite good enough to get the job done). And here is what gets me....said company just wants everyone to go back to normal like nothing ever happened! First of all that is just insane....and how rude for the dearly departed!!

So anyways...I just can't imagine this or anything like it happening to me or around me...and I wonder if I am just a little too optimistic for my own good...And I feel I should have something meaningful or enlightening to tell her in the wake of all this aftermath that lies ahead....but I don't. So my question is this....Has something of this horrendous nature ever happened to you?? Or someone you knew very well??? And how would you handle said situation if ever you find yourself in my shoes...or hers? I just can't begin to comprehend the thoughts and emotions that one might run through....it's quite unnerving....

Holidays...

Well...the Christmas season is upon us and I feel as if I am not a part of it, whatsoever.....I'm one of those people that loves all the lights and the feeling you get when you are driving through town and it's all decorated for xmas. I usually have my tree plugged in every chance I get and especially at night I will turn all the lights off except for the tree and just enjoy it while I am watching tv or enjoying a book. Everything usually has a magical air about it....This year, procrastination has taken it's toll! My tree is not up yet (which it usually goes up THE day after thanksgiving) and I have no lights for the house. I have just recently started my shopping and I still have some more to do....I am trying to think of menus for around xmas time since I will be cooking for 9-10 people and I am used to only cooking for 2 1/2 people. I see all these treats I want to bake and all these things I want to make...and it just seems like I will never get any of it done, because I can't get myself motivated enough.

And frustration sets in......

Hoping this time that J and I are alone will make me more motivated to do something with this house....do something with this foul lazy mood I am in, too! Hope everyone else's holidays are a little more enjoyable.

It's been forever...

Well...it definitely has been quite a while since I've written anything...and that's partly because I've been so busy, but mostly because for half the month of October and half the month of November I was down in California at my parent's house. I went down with the intention of helping them paint the house and get it ready to sell, but I really didn't get a whole lot done since no one wanted to pay attention to J...and he was quite the little terror since he had no restrictions on where he could go in the house. And of course Mom's house is definitely NOT baby proofed! It was nice to be gone while L was out to sea again, though. Definitely passed the time way quicker than it would have had I been in this big house just J and I.

Thanksgiving was a day late for us, since L had duty on Thanksgiving day...it was still pretty dang good...I have been quite proud of my cooking thus far...and I enjoy doing it immensely when I have the time to spend without the little one yelling at me all the time. Now it's time to get ready for Christmas, and I am sooo excited for the holidays. I love everything about Christmas...the food, the family, the gift-giving....the lights and the decorations....my whole family is coming up along with Cheri and her boyfriend Ben from Iowa. It should be a good time had by all...but I am sure I will be soooo ready to see them go, too. Because the parents are getting ready to move, their plan is to get the house ready and up for sale before then and then after Christmas, mom and Missy will stay here with us and get jobs and start school and my dad and Renee will go back down to CA and continue to work and wait for the house to sell. It will be nice to have my mother here, so that at least L and I can get out and actually go on a date or go see a movie or something.....the last movie I saw in the movie theaters was The Notebook...and that was when I was still pregnant with J. CRAZY! But it will be nice to have a built-in babysitter....

Other than that, life is plain and simple, as usual...which I suppose isn't all bad, but I feel like I have nothing to challenge me and nothing to keep my mind strong...and I feel like I am going to lose it if I don't use it soon!! :o) I am sooo hoping that I will be able to pay UCONN off soon so that I can finally start the medical transcription courses that I have been wanting to take for over a year now....I am so ready to get going with the schooling so that I can be done and start working, making some kind of monetary contribution to the family...Also so that if L does happen to end up getting out of the Navy, we will be okay while he finds a new job and starts working at it. I suppose everything will happen like it should and I will just have to wait and see what the future holds, but sometimes I want to take life by the scruff of the neck and steer it in the right direction ahead of time...if that makes any sense :o) Okay..well...enough rambling for one evening...
Until next time....

seems like forever...

Wow...it's been quite a long time since I've posted...I've been to California for a month and back and then had two waves of L's family come and visit...we've been crazy busy...not to mention that L's work has been keeping him quite busy.

We have been worrying about what lies ahead for us in the near future....L decided to re-enlist, and has applied for a job that he would not only be fabulous at, but I think he would enjoy it immensely! Then I find out that 8 other people from his boat applied for the same job, and now he might not be as "a shoe in" as we originally thought. So now we are walking on eggshells; I am constantly thinking about what the hell are we going to do if we do not get this job??? We were all set on getting that job and buying a house in the next year and I was going to start school and we were going to pay off all of our bills....It was an absolutely perfect plan! I suppose to perfect to actually happen....although, it still hasn't been decided for sure that he doesn't have it. So basically I am driving myself crazy for nothing...LOL....

Other than that, I am trying to figure out a way we can go back to Iowa in September for L's Mom's birthday and surprise her. And J has been sick, fever and all, for the last few days...he's been cranky, sleeping a lot and just sitting around all lethargic.

SOOO....basically, our family is boring, and have really nothing going on, but this is what I do...everyday...

My head is in hell....

Okay...so migraines....suck! I have been having them for a couple of months now and they are getting more and more frequent...so I went to the Dr. and she prescribes me Imitrex. So I get a migraine and I take the pill and it's supposed to take it away. Well....instead of it taking it away, it's making me all tense in my jaw, neck and shoulders which in turn is just making my migraine worse..... So I am at a loss again. I plan on calling the Dr. tomorrow and letting them know all this, but I'm not going to be able to do much about it because I am leaving for California on Wednesday.

It's frustrating having the migraines to begin with, but it's severely hindering my abilities to take care of J and/or taking care of the house. All I want to do is sleep when they come on...and all J wants to do is play and make noise like any normal 1 year old wants to do. Here's hoping something is resolved soon...because I don't know how much longer I can take this.