Tension

Well...it's that time again....and as always the tension is building around us....putting up walls without our even consenting.....I HATE THIS!! I cannot wait for it to be over....D-day is so far away, yet sooo close, we can almost feel it's warmth. I tell myself just get through, we're almost there. What will I tell J? He's getting so smart and so attached to L. I am just glad J isn't older than he is, because then he would really be able to ask me questions that I don't know that I have the right answer for. I have AN answer, but it will never be a good enough one, even for me. I cannot imagine having to tell my kids "Sorry, daddy is out to sea again and we don't know when he will be home" or getting their hopes up like we have had done to us sooooooo many times, " Daddy will be home (insert day here)........ooooohhh sorry baby, daddy won't be home until (insert later date here).....I'm sooooooooo sorry sweetheart, daddy won't be home until (insert EVEN later date here). And I don't ever want to have to be put in that position...i've heard the crying little girls and I've seen the disappointed faces of the little boys.....It's just not right....but someone has to do the job and take the heartache, don't they??? Wish there was a way that no little boy or girl had to feel that way, ever. What's worse are the mothers that have to actually tell their children that daddy isn't going to be coming home EVER. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!

alright, I've tortured myself enough....going to read Dante......then off to sleep...while i still can :)