Warmth

Spring is finally here...and it's soooo nice to finally feel warm again!! To be able to wear sandals and t-shirts...to take J outside and play with bubbles and let Lola lay in the sun...I love Spring! It is supposed to be around 70 today, which will make it the warmest day of the year so far...I am hoping that L is not too tired when he gets home today so that maybe we can go take J to a park for the first time...Let him play in the sand and swing on the swings...I used to love going to the park when I was little...and that was even though we had our own swing set in the backyard...I don't know ...the park must have has some magical quality making more special than the regular old thing we had at our house.


Only a month until we head off to California again...Cheri and Ben will be here, I get to see Brandy and her new baby...I am pretty excited, but kind of upset that L will be home after all...he won't be able to take any time off to come down with us (not that there is room in the car, either)...I wish he could...he needs a vacation...he is so burnt out...And the government wonders why the military have suicides so often! They just get fed up and cannot get out of their contract, cause that requires TOO much money...SAD.

Well...off to do some mommy things...

visitors...

Wow...is april going by really fast or is it just me?? L's birthday is in three days....and that is also the day that Renee comes to visit! Woohooo....she'll be here for a week and I am excited because there isn't very often a chance for me to just plain be girlie....too many of the male species around....so we will watch girlie movies and cook and just have a good time. Then, after a week with Renee, Troy and Joe have informed me they are coming up to visit! SWEET!!! Going to be fun! Then three weeks later, Cheri and her boyfriend Ben will be here and then we drive back down to California....yipee!! We will be there for two or three weeks and then it is home again....once July hits, we are expecting tons of L's Family to visit....It's going to be a busy summer, i think! I am looking forward to the warmer months, though....I can't wait to go camping and explore this beautiful state!!

Family Time

Yesterday ....was amazing! I had a great day...And for no one particular reason, it was really a combination of a few different things. But what must sound boring and mundane to the masses, was an absolute dream for me. And those are the kind of days that make me love life so much....just the simplicity of living life itself. SO here goes...
We (J and I) woke up and ate breakfast. I finished the laundry, got J dressed and down for a nap, did the dishes, got ready myself, went to lunch with Gina, came home and went out to wal-mart with L and J. We did some quick shopping for stuff L needed to fix the lawn mower. Came home and L mowed while J walked around on the driveway in his walker and I played with him and crushed soda and beer cans. Then we came in and barbequed hamburgers for dinner, watched some TV and went to bed....an average day for most, but our family spent actual time together and we had a blast doing it,(since we don't get to spend much time together at all...and as you know d-day is coming way too soon).

Tension

Well...it's that time again....and as always the tension is building around us....putting up walls without our even consenting.....I HATE THIS!! I cannot wait for it to be over....D-day is so far away, yet sooo close, we can almost feel it's warmth. I tell myself just get through, we're almost there. What will I tell J? He's getting so smart and so attached to L. I am just glad J isn't older than he is, because then he would really be able to ask me questions that I don't know that I have the right answer for. I have AN answer, but it will never be a good enough one, even for me. I cannot imagine having to tell my kids "Sorry, daddy is out to sea again and we don't know when he will be home" or getting their hopes up like we have had done to us sooooooo many times, " Daddy will be home (insert day here)........ooooohhh sorry baby, daddy won't be home until (insert later date here).....I'm sooooooooo sorry sweetheart, daddy won't be home until (insert EVEN later date here). And I don't ever want to have to be put in that position...i've heard the crying little girls and I've seen the disappointed faces of the little boys.....It's just not right....but someone has to do the job and take the heartache, don't they??? Wish there was a way that no little boy or girl had to feel that way, ever. What's worse are the mothers that have to actually tell their children that daddy isn't going to be coming home EVER. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!

alright, I've tortured myself enough....going to read Dante......then off to sleep...while i still can :)