Holidays...

Well...the Christmas season is upon us and I feel as if I am not a part of it, whatsoever.....I'm one of those people that loves all the lights and the feeling you get when you are driving through town and it's all decorated for xmas. I usually have my tree plugged in every chance I get and especially at night I will turn all the lights off except for the tree and just enjoy it while I am watching tv or enjoying a book. Everything usually has a magical air about it....This year, procrastination has taken it's toll! My tree is not up yet (which it usually goes up THE day after thanksgiving) and I have no lights for the house. I have just recently started my shopping and I still have some more to do....I am trying to think of menus for around xmas time since I will be cooking for 9-10 people and I am used to only cooking for 2 1/2 people. I see all these treats I want to bake and all these things I want to make...and it just seems like I will never get any of it done, because I can't get myself motivated enough.

And frustration sets in......

Hoping this time that J and I are alone will make me more motivated to do something with this house....do something with this foul lazy mood I am in, too! Hope everyone else's holidays are a little more enjoyable.

It's been forever...

Well...it definitely has been quite a while since I've written anything...and that's partly because I've been so busy, but mostly because for half the month of October and half the month of November I was down in California at my parent's house. I went down with the intention of helping them paint the house and get it ready to sell, but I really didn't get a whole lot done since no one wanted to pay attention to J...and he was quite the little terror since he had no restrictions on where he could go in the house. And of course Mom's house is definitely NOT baby proofed! It was nice to be gone while L was out to sea again, though. Definitely passed the time way quicker than it would have had I been in this big house just J and I.

Thanksgiving was a day late for us, since L had duty on Thanksgiving day...it was still pretty dang good...I have been quite proud of my cooking thus far...and I enjoy doing it immensely when I have the time to spend without the little one yelling at me all the time. Now it's time to get ready for Christmas, and I am sooo excited for the holidays. I love everything about Christmas...the food, the family, the gift-giving....the lights and the decorations....my whole family is coming up along with Cheri and her boyfriend Ben from Iowa. It should be a good time had by all...but I am sure I will be soooo ready to see them go, too. Because the parents are getting ready to move, their plan is to get the house ready and up for sale before then and then after Christmas, mom and Missy will stay here with us and get jobs and start school and my dad and Renee will go back down to CA and continue to work and wait for the house to sell. It will be nice to have my mother here, so that at least L and I can get out and actually go on a date or go see a movie or something.....the last movie I saw in the movie theaters was The Notebook...and that was when I was still pregnant with J. CRAZY! But it will be nice to have a built-in babysitter....

Other than that, life is plain and simple, as usual...which I suppose isn't all bad, but I feel like I have nothing to challenge me and nothing to keep my mind strong...and I feel like I am going to lose it if I don't use it soon!! :o) I am sooo hoping that I will be able to pay UCONN off soon so that I can finally start the medical transcription courses that I have been wanting to take for over a year now....I am so ready to get going with the schooling so that I can be done and start working, making some kind of monetary contribution to the family...Also so that if L does happen to end up getting out of the Navy, we will be okay while he finds a new job and starts working at it. I suppose everything will happen like it should and I will just have to wait and see what the future holds, but sometimes I want to take life by the scruff of the neck and steer it in the right direction ahead of time...if that makes any sense :o) Okay..well...enough rambling for one evening...
Until next time....

seems like forever...

Wow...it's been quite a long time since I've posted...I've been to California for a month and back and then had two waves of L's family come and visit...we've been crazy busy...not to mention that L's work has been keeping him quite busy.

We have been worrying about what lies ahead for us in the near future....L decided to re-enlist, and has applied for a job that he would not only be fabulous at, but I think he would enjoy it immensely! Then I find out that 8 other people from his boat applied for the same job, and now he might not be as "a shoe in" as we originally thought. So now we are walking on eggshells; I am constantly thinking about what the hell are we going to do if we do not get this job??? We were all set on getting that job and buying a house in the next year and I was going to start school and we were going to pay off all of our bills....It was an absolutely perfect plan! I suppose to perfect to actually happen....although, it still hasn't been decided for sure that he doesn't have it. So basically I am driving myself crazy for nothing...LOL....

Other than that, I am trying to figure out a way we can go back to Iowa in September for L's Mom's birthday and surprise her. And J has been sick, fever and all, for the last few days...he's been cranky, sleeping a lot and just sitting around all lethargic.

SOOO....basically, our family is boring, and have really nothing going on, but this is what I do...everyday...

My head is in hell....

Okay...so migraines....suck! I have been having them for a couple of months now and they are getting more and more frequent...so I went to the Dr. and she prescribes me Imitrex. So I get a migraine and I take the pill and it's supposed to take it away. Well....instead of it taking it away, it's making me all tense in my jaw, neck and shoulders which in turn is just making my migraine worse..... So I am at a loss again. I plan on calling the Dr. tomorrow and letting them know all this, but I'm not going to be able to do much about it because I am leaving for California on Wednesday.

It's frustrating having the migraines to begin with, but it's severely hindering my abilities to take care of J and/or taking care of the house. All I want to do is sleep when they come on...and all J wants to do is play and make noise like any normal 1 year old wants to do. Here's hoping something is resolved soon...because I don't know how much longer I can take this.

My Day

Wow...I didn't realize how long it had been since I'd written. I guess I have been busier than it seems to me....
Mother's day was super nice...L was home only for the weekend and then he left again on Monday. But we spent Sunday together as a family...we took J to the park and then we had Mexican for lunch (super yummy and free mimosas!!) and then we went to this little mom n pop Italian restaurant here in town and it was amazing! Totally decent prices and very good food! I also got a nap that day, and what is better than that?? :) Oh so...the whole park incident with J...LOL...He is hilarious! The park sucked...it's the first one that I knew of here and when we got there, there was no infant swing, the sand was in a separate sand box (which actually makes sense) but there was practically rocks underneath them in the playground part. L took J down the slide on his lap once and J was kind of frightened...he didn't actually cry, but he looked at me like "what are you letting this crazy guy do to me???" . So we took him to the sandbox. First, we had to force him to even sit down and then he wouldn't touch the sand. So L tried to push things along and show him what it was by sprinkling a little pile of sand into J's hand....He not only threw the sand as quickly as he possibly could but then he pulled his hand away every time L tried to get him to touch it again....Quite funny...He's turing into a prissy little man :)

It's been crazy around here trying to organize myself so that I can start packing us up for our trip to California and clean the house up for when Cheri and Ben get here. I just never know where to start....I've turned into my mother with all my lists! It's amazing how much you try not to be like your parents when you are little and then all of a sudden you turn around and YOU ARE your parents! For me, it's certain things I catch myself doing....we still have a lot of differences of opinion so it's not by any means everything...I still am my own person, Thank God!

Just sitting here, eating my lunch and enjoying the sunshine and peace and quiet. J is taking his nap and I just don't know what to do with myself...in one instance, I should be getting the housework done, but in another, I just wanna take time out to do absolutely nothing....or rather do something for my well being. Finally the company has ceased for a few weeks and I have the house back to myself again...L is gone, but won't be for very long and I am really enjoying it. It's going to be all too strange once L is always home again....Just when I start to get used to the fact that he leaves ....I definitely will enjoy it, don't get me wrong...It will just be weird cause I'm not used to it. Even when he was home for a month waiting for the baby to be born, we were going crazy, because we weren't used to spending THAT much time together.
Anyways...I am rather excited for my California trip....plenty of people I want to see and hang out with, but more than that, I can't wait to see Cheri. It's been a long time...almost a year, since we've seen eachother....we used to share a room....used to share just about everything with eachother....and I miss that kind of bond with another girl/woman.
So I'm actually happy....I'm happier than I have been in a while...My husband and I are in a great place....it's sooo close to the end of his promised time that we can taste it....and J is getting so big and so full of life....and I finally feel normal and have things to look forward to ....and I have ambitions that I want to put into motion ....I'm so incredibly excited to see what the future holds!

Warmth

Spring is finally here...and it's soooo nice to finally feel warm again!! To be able to wear sandals and t-shirts...to take J outside and play with bubbles and let Lola lay in the sun...I love Spring! It is supposed to be around 70 today, which will make it the warmest day of the year so far...I am hoping that L is not too tired when he gets home today so that maybe we can go take J to a park for the first time...Let him play in the sand and swing on the swings...I used to love going to the park when I was little...and that was even though we had our own swing set in the backyard...I don't know ...the park must have has some magical quality making more special than the regular old thing we had at our house.


Only a month until we head off to California again...Cheri and Ben will be here, I get to see Brandy and her new baby...I am pretty excited, but kind of upset that L will be home after all...he won't be able to take any time off to come down with us (not that there is room in the car, either)...I wish he could...he needs a vacation...he is so burnt out...And the government wonders why the military have suicides so often! They just get fed up and cannot get out of their contract, cause that requires TOO much money...SAD.

Well...off to do some mommy things...

visitors...

Wow...is april going by really fast or is it just me?? L's birthday is in three days....and that is also the day that Renee comes to visit! Woohooo....she'll be here for a week and I am excited because there isn't very often a chance for me to just plain be girlie....too many of the male species around....so we will watch girlie movies and cook and just have a good time. Then, after a week with Renee, Troy and Joe have informed me they are coming up to visit! SWEET!!! Going to be fun! Then three weeks later, Cheri and her boyfriend Ben will be here and then we drive back down to California....yipee!! We will be there for two or three weeks and then it is home again....once July hits, we are expecting tons of L's Family to visit....It's going to be a busy summer, i think! I am looking forward to the warmer months, though....I can't wait to go camping and explore this beautiful state!!

Family Time

Yesterday ....was amazing! I had a great day...And for no one particular reason, it was really a combination of a few different things. But what must sound boring and mundane to the masses, was an absolute dream for me. And those are the kind of days that make me love life so much....just the simplicity of living life itself. SO here goes...
We (J and I) woke up and ate breakfast. I finished the laundry, got J dressed and down for a nap, did the dishes, got ready myself, went to lunch with Gina, came home and went out to wal-mart with L and J. We did some quick shopping for stuff L needed to fix the lawn mower. Came home and L mowed while J walked around on the driveway in his walker and I played with him and crushed soda and beer cans. Then we came in and barbequed hamburgers for dinner, watched some TV and went to bed....an average day for most, but our family spent actual time together and we had a blast doing it,(since we don't get to spend much time together at all...and as you know d-day is coming way too soon).

Tension

Well...it's that time again....and as always the tension is building around us....putting up walls without our even consenting.....I HATE THIS!! I cannot wait for it to be over....D-day is so far away, yet sooo close, we can almost feel it's warmth. I tell myself just get through, we're almost there. What will I tell J? He's getting so smart and so attached to L. I am just glad J isn't older than he is, because then he would really be able to ask me questions that I don't know that I have the right answer for. I have AN answer, but it will never be a good enough one, even for me. I cannot imagine having to tell my kids "Sorry, daddy is out to sea again and we don't know when he will be home" or getting their hopes up like we have had done to us sooooooo many times, " Daddy will be home (insert day here)........ooooohhh sorry baby, daddy won't be home until (insert later date here).....I'm sooooooooo sorry sweetheart, daddy won't be home until (insert EVEN later date here). And I don't ever want to have to be put in that position...i've heard the crying little girls and I've seen the disappointed faces of the little boys.....It's just not right....but someone has to do the job and take the heartache, don't they??? Wish there was a way that no little boy or girl had to feel that way, ever. What's worse are the mothers that have to actually tell their children that daddy isn't going to be coming home EVER. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HORRIBLE!!!

alright, I've tortured myself enough....going to read Dante......then off to sleep...while i still can :)

Post-anniversary

well...our anniversary went well....went to seattle, saw the EMP, then off to lunch at Ruth's Chris ( which I highly recommend to anyone and everyone). Ruth's Chris is amazing....it's a little pricey, but for a special occasion, they have the best steaks that you will ever have....FABULOUS! Then we started bar hopping....went to one irish pub, needless to say it was packed and no where to sit or stand....wasn't feeling it, so we left and went to check out another one we knew of. That one was just as bad, if not worse....it had a line to get in around the corner...LOL....but we passed another place that was right next door to the second hot spot...and there was a table on the outdoor patio in front, so we were able to hear and see much of the festivities that went on next door without being trampled and tired from standing. It was perfect....drinks were cheap, appetizers were $2 until 8 PM ( that was when happy hour ended...LOL). I thoroughly enjoyed myself .....until a friend that was with us started passing out sitting up....so we decided that we were going to go home.....He was still too drunk and tired to drive home once we got back on the other side on the ferry...sooooo we had to drive him home and make sure he was safe...by the time we got home we passed out in bed...We still had good times....Better than last year when i sat at home by myself with jacob only 2 months old....WOOOHOOOO...:)

So my mom stayed 9 days....we went on a road trip on the 25th and picked up her new puppy, Abigail (abbie) on Whidbey Island....This state continues to amaze me....it was sooo beautiful there, and also in port townsend....serene little beach towns....I can't wait to show L these places...

Mother...

I am soooooo excited ....This morning my mother informed me that she was going to drive up here so that she could stay with Jacob while Luke and I go have a good time for our anniversary on friday! Luke is of Irish descent and we were married on St. Patrick's Day (which is also my late grandfather's birthday) and so we were planning a trip to Seattle for the day, but we were just going to take Jacob along with us. Now we can actually go there and be the semi-children that we are and go bar hopping (which we haven't done together in years...and also maybe twice and thats it) and we can have dinner and enjoy the Irish Festival....It should make for a great time!
So back to my mother....she is great...she's saving me! I really do need this time away....no matter how much I love my stinky :) Luke is going to be thrilled when he finds out. She is always here when we need her...and of course we didn't NEED her, but we were hoping and thinking how nice it would be to be able to spend real quality time together, not worrying about work or the baby or anything else but eachother. So this is for my Mom.....the bearer of all things fun and excitiing....my best friend....my savior!! :) LOL

Another...

A Wandering Heart

Fly me away
Angel,
To a place
where the stars
meet the sky.
A dreamworld
seen only by the hopefuls,
of what may come.
A billion thoughts escape.
But are never voiced,
never heard.
Hurtful eyes stare
back at disappointed lips;
No words form
only empty-minded regret.
The war within,
wanting to be free
Recurring expressions
Fester in the holding of
A wandering heart.


The sad thing....I don't even remember when I wrote these....But I think I was still in high school. Even though I don't quite remember what i was thinking or feeling, they evoke feelings of quiet sadness and reflection. Wish I could write more while I'm happy...Of course people would get tired of hearing about my son and my husband because they are mostly the only thing I am ever happy about.

Finally feeling sleepy....better go sleep, I think Lola ( the dog) is trying to entice me to go to bed now so that she can get warm. Haha...i'm sure that sounds funny to a lot of people, but I will definitely get around to explaining the many quirky and fun intricacies that are the chi hoo uhh hoo uhh, Lola.

some old poetry

I have always been the perfectionist type.....if i can't do something right (or what i think is right) then I won't do it at all....And with that said, I could and still cannot bring myself to write good poetry unless I am in a melancholy state of mind. Weird, but true....So...It has been an eternity since I've written anything, but thought I would go ahead and post a couple of poems that I wrote that I have always secretly been very proud of.


Dreams

Emotions run free
Floating on promises
Dying strength
Fast asleep
Butterflies soar
Flaming hearts
NO turning back
Eyes dancing
Black roses killing me
Hands are tied
Flickering soul
Reality shimmers, growing wings
Emotions run free
Soaring on dreams
Pictures of the future
Melting rapidly
Pink lace clouds
Dazzling stars
Delectable night
Roaring silence

new to this...

Well...a friend on the other coast introduced me to her sister's blog....and I was intrigued, to say the least. So...here I am...trying out this supposed fabulous new craze. I thought maybe it would be a great outlet for all of my emotions and thoughts I have been having lately. I hope to make many new friends whom I can talk with about more than just toys and saying the word "NO" all the time ( taking on my role as mommy to Jacob, a 1 year old enthusiast of everything he's not supposed to touch). :) We'll see where this new adventure takes me......